Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
