my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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