All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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