you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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