yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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