I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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