your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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