The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
