I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
