You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
