I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
