So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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