I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my liver is dry heaving
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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