My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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