He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
