we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We have so much sex to catch up on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
