At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
