Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
