fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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