some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we made out on top of his cat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
