I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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