Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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