Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
