I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
