I think my vagina is haunted
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
