Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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