I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
