if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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