Yo dont text me then not text me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
