maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
