You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
