On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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