Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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