He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
