Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
