i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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