wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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