You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
