Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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