I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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