8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
