How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
