I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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