you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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