the condom got lost in my hair
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize