I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
