My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
