i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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