There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
