Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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