He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
