They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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