Im at strip club and am horny
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
