is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
