i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
