i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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