I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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