I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
