You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
