I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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