I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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