At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i came on her dog
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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