you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
