We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
