She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
