I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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