I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
