wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
