Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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