I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
