Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just blew my weed a kiss
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
